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Harassment

 

1. Name 3 ways that joking is different from harassment.

Answer: Harassment is seen as unwanted, not fun, a crime and one-sided. It makes the receiver feel angry, sad, hurt, confused and powerless, and results in negative self-esteem (somebody feeling bad about themselves). Joking and kidding around is seen as two-sided, legal, wanted and fun. It makes the participants feel good, happy, in control and clear headed, and results in all having fun and positive self-esteem (feeling good about themselves).

 

2. Tim hasn't stopped spreading rumors about Jan's reputation even though she told him to stop many times. What would be a good idea for her to do next and why?

Answer: While she has told him stop many times, has she told him in a confident assertive manner? If not, it would be helpful to communicate her desires assertively. One way to do this is through an "I" Message. There are 3 steps to one of these:

1. I feel (fill in the blank: hurt, angry, sad, etc.)

2. When you (fill in the blank: hit me, call me names, touch me inappropriately, etc.)

3. I want you to (fill in the blank: stop, leave me alone, treat me with respect, etc.)

Another thing Jan may choose to do , is speak with an adult she knows and trusts. This person can help her brainstorm ways of handling the problem for herself. Or, she may choose to find allies, friends who would be on her side. They may help by sticking up for her, and letting the bully know that they do not believe the rumors. She might even want to call a hotline (like NOVA 1-800-675-6900) to speak with somebody about how she is feeling, and work on ways to feel better.

 

3. Is going to an adult for help with a harassment problem the same as tattling? Why or why not?

Answer: No. The goal of tattling is to get someone else in trouble. The goal of talking to an adult about a harassment problem is for the victim to help himself or herself. In this case, the adult will help the person brainstorm ways that the victim can handle the problem for himself or herself. Also, by alerting an adult to the problem, the adult will be able to monitor the situation.

 

4. How can you help a friend who you see getting harassed every day in the lunchroom?

Answer: You can be an ally (someone on their side). This could mean sitting with them so they are not alone, a bully is less likely to harass the person if they are in a group. You can also help brainstorm ways they can handle the problem. You can allow them to express how they are feeling about the problem, giving them the chance to deal with their emotions. You can suggest that they talk to an adult they know and trust, about the problem.

 

5. When thinking about bullying and harassment, what does the following statement mean: "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem."

Answer: Just like it is never the victim's fault, it is also never the witness's fault that harassment is taking place. However, when people turn their heads and allow such behavior to create a hostile, unsafe environment they are not working on a solution. All people have some responsibility in creating a safe, violence-free environment for one another.